By Jessica WildeThe following testimony is a personal testimony of how Jason and I grew closer to the Lord and each other over the past several years. While they may be disputed, our decisions are based on our Catholic Faith. This story was not written to start a debate, and it was not written to chastise anyone for their personal decisions. This testimony was written solely to show how we came to a deeper understanding of our Faith and to glorify God for His miracle in our life. This is our miracle story!One afternoon in Costa Rica, one of our closest friends stopped by our house, anxious and confused. She said that the doctor had told her that if she gave birth to any more children that she would be committing a sin because she lived in poverty. I was shocked! As Mother Teresa says, "How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers.” But if I'm honest with myself and with you all, there was a time when we believed the same. When we found out that we were pregnant with Alex, we truly believed our family was complete and that we only had the financial resources available to have three kids. To clarify, Jason's salary was nearly six figures at that time, so we weren't poor. But we wanted to give our kids everything...dance classes, sports, world travels, best education, etc. So, having more kids to us meant having to sacrifice those worldly things that we wanted for our kids. A couple of weeks before Alex was born, Jason had a vasectomy. My labor with Alex was really scary and dangerous for me. We were even more happy with our decision to have a vasectomy because we didn't want to put me at risk again. Fast forward a couple years, we were called by Jesus to not only say we were ‘pro-life’, but start acting like a pro-life family through the gift of adoption. The road to adoption opened our eyes even further to the plight of the poor. It was at this point that we gave our lives to the Lord to serve the poorest of the poor, and in this Spirit that we discovered Family Missions Company. We went to FMC's Come and See discernment retreat. We were amazed at the poor missionary families who were choosing to live Gospel poverty and serve the poor. These were large families with 5+ kids and were happier than most families that we had seen in the secular world! The parents were giving their kids so much more than the things of the world by giving them God, family time, and service. While speaking to one mom, my eyes were finally opened to the horror and sin of Jason's vasectomy. We were denying the author of life and our loving creator the opportunity to use our marriage to create life. A side effect of our choice was that it also negatively affected our relationship in the bedroom. Sex had become for us a completely physical act of love, void of the gift of God’s spark of life. It was more of a ‘transactional’ act of love, kind of like when you rub your partner’s back in hopes that they will return the favor. In fact, we have read how this is the same mentality that sparked the sexual revolution of the past century - the separation of procreation from the act of romantic life. Sex has become something to be bartered or won by one partner or the other, which has now led to commoditization, sexual consumerism, and even more selfish violence over sex (c.f. Camosy, Resisting Throwaway Culture). In a very real way, it is taking God out of our marriage. Every action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible" is intrinsically evil. Thus the innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving of husband and wife is overlaid, through contraception, by an objectively contradictory language, namely, that of not giving oneself totally to the other. This leads not only to a positive refusal to be open to life but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal love, which is called upon to give itself in personal totality. (Catechism of the Catholic Church 2370) After this revelation, I was ready to reverse the vasectomy right then but Jason wasn't yet. He was fearful of my life and of me dying in childbirth. We made a heartfelt confession. But I truly felt God was asking us for more. With great respect for Jason, I prayed and gave him time to make his own discernment. One of the first talks during our missionary training is one about missionary commitments, called "Be the Bacon". In the talk, the following anecdote is given: If missions were breakfast, would God ask you to be the cow, to be the chicken, or to be the pig? The key point here is that while all three contribute to a good breakfast, it is only the pig that gives the total sacrifice of its life to “be the bacon”. God wants us to be the bacon. He wants us to give our lives to Him. This talk affirmed our life long vocation for missions but also opened Jason's heart to understand my willingness to bear another child for God if He desired. We finally had a desire, as St. John Paul II put it in his “theology of the body”, to give each other a mutual and total gift of self. Over Christmas break, between Intake training and being sent into the field, we used our personal savings for a vasectomy reversal by a Catholic doctor in New Braunfels who offers the reversal at an affordable cost. The procedure was one of the most Holy moments of our lives. Jason was awake the entire time with me looking into his eyes. The doctor sang Christian music and prayed during the entire procedure. I felt Jesus, Mary, the Saints and Angels with us cheering us on. Spouses share in the creative power and fatherhood of God. Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children; they should realize that they are thereby cooperating with the love of God the Creator and are, in a certain sense, its interpreters. They will fulfill this duty with a sense of human and Christian responsibility. (CCC 2367) We went to Costa Rica with big dreams of sharing Christ's love, helping the poor and growing the kingdom literally through making a baby for God. But then we were thrown a curveball. We were devastated when we found out that I had cancer. But we trusted the Lord's goodness and mercy. At my first oncology appointment in Louisiana, the oncologist advised us to harvest my eggs because the chance of me being fertile after chemo was unlikely. This was our first real temptation with IVF, but by this point we had already learned how this was just another tool that humanity has created to play God, and that it reinforces a ‘right’ that we feel we have to procreate, even when it is physically impossible or unlikely. We have also read research that showed how couples who adopted instead of a successful IVF had overall better relationships (Andrew Hough, How Adoption for IVF Couples Could Lead to a Happier Life). I knew this was a sin and told him no. This was God's baby not ours. So, if God wanted us to have more children, I trusted that I would still be fertile after chemo, or that He would place a child with us through adoption. We placed our miracle baby in God's hands. The Gospel shows that physical sterility is not an absolute evil. Spouses who still suffer from infertility after exhausting legitimate medical procedures should unite themselves with the Lord's Cross, the source of all spiritual fecundity. They can give expression to their generosity by adopting abandoned children or performing demanding services for others. (CCC 2379) If I got pregnant during chemo, I would have had to stop treatments. We did not want this to happen, so we abstained from sex for 6 months. It was as if we were making up all the time that we should have been abstaining all those years. Honestly, it was difficult. But our marriage became stronger with a renewed focus, love and commitment built on God. We began intentionally setting aside time for a coffee date every afternoon to keep our marriage and friendship strong. Miraculously, I kept my period until the last chemo treatment and then lost it. I was sad and began having pre-menopausal symptoms. This was followed with multiple hospital stays due to pneumonia from my suppressed immune system. Three months later, Grace received the sacrament of confirmation. The Mass was filled with the Holy Spirit. Each child that was confirmed seemed to rest in the Spirit when Archbishop Gustavo laid his hands on them. Besides the cancer and losing my period, I expressed to Jason that I wished the Bishop had prayed over me, but we were already driving home. Five minutes later, we found out we had left Grace’s Confirmation certificate at the church, and we turned the car around. I walked into the darkened church and ran into the deacon’s wife. She helped me turn on the lights and find the certificate. But unaware of my wish, she told me that the Archbishop should pray over me. She took me over to him and peace descended on me as he prayed. The next day, my period returned. It has been a long 2.5 years since Jason's vasectomy reversal. I think of Sara from the Bible - she was 90 when she gave birth to her miracle, Issac. Now, that's a lot of waiting! We have even tried adopting again, but because of the many unjust restrictions placed on adoptive parents (and, honestly, a very consumerist model that overtaken yet another beautiful gift of love), we are disqualified due to health, wealth, and depending on the adoption route, age. But God's timing is always perfect. We found out that we are pregnant a few weeks ago. Thanks be to God! Our miracle baby is on its way and will be arriving January 2, 2021 (likely December 2020). We are overwhelmed with joy! Sacred Scripture and the Church's traditional practice see in large families a sign of God's blessing and the parents' generosity. (CCC 2373)
2 Comments
Sarah Granger
5/22/2020 08:16:15 am
Thank you for sharing this beautiful testimony! God is so good!
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Mary Clare
5/26/2020 09:43:26 pm
Such an incredible blessing to read of the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness! It moved me to tears, my friends! Rejoicing with you over your new, little, miracle baby! He brings HOPE for everyone!!
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On a MissionTwo passionate parents and their four children are excited to bring His Word to everyone in need while living a life of Gospel poverty as missionaries. They invite you to join them on a journey to encounter our global neighbors that Jesus commands us to love through works of charity and service. Archives
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