By Grace WildeWhen I last wrote a blog a year ago, people made it feel like it was too dramatic, too crazy, and plain wrong. Those persecutions hurt, so I was afraid of writing again. Costa Rica came and went, so did cancer. I wanted to write, but I still felt the suffering of the year come and gone. So I stayed silent and did not write. This Christmas, my mom got sick again twice! It all hurt. After experiencing, praying, and talking with my mom about it, I realized that suffering is good! Although, it does not come from God in the first place, God uses it as a crucible to burn away everything that is not of him. This third I will put into the fire; In biblical times, people would take gold and melt it down in a metal pot called a crucible. Then anything that is not gold would burn away which is same thing God does with us when we suffer. He uses suffering to burn away anything that does not belong to Him. It does hurt though, but Jesus uses suffering to make us even stronger. And during the pain, all we have to do is trust in Jesus to not take away the cross that we bear, not to make the cross lighter either, but for us to be crucified, buried and raised with the glory of God from the dead in his arms. So this next year, I’m not going to let lies or persecutions silence me. I’m not going to let suffering take control of me. I am going to let Jesus take over the wheel and let Him speak through me. This is my letter and gift to Jesus this New Year . Love, Grace
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By Jessica WildeAll Fall my friends have asked me the same question... "How are you doing?" I always responded "good". But having cancer with a young family is like running a marathon. And while Jason and the kids took care of my physical needs 24/7, I took care of their spiritual and emotional needs 24/7. Unfortunately, I never really had the time to sit down and process the hard realities of cancer and the weight of its cross on myself. I was just surviving day to day. The last two weeks we participated in FMC's Year In Review retreat. My personal goal was to see how I was really doing emotionally and spiritually. On the first day, they had us pick out a picture that described our present state. The picture that captured my heart was completely gray with what appeared to be a lifeless tree in a field of dead grass with a cloudy gray sky. The picture was quite depressing. "So why was that picture me?", I wondered As I looked at the picture, I remembered all the losses I had experienced this year. There were times when I had to fast from all the things I love like chocolate, Dr. Pepper and coffee to times of isolation from neutropenia when I couldn't be near or hug my family to times when we couldn't join in my favorite community events like Lord's Day or Praise & Worship. Out of his intense love for me, my beloved husband stopped kissing me to prevent me from getting sick. I had to hide behind a mask. I lost my hair. We had to leave our home and friends in Costa Rica. I suffered cancer pains and chemo pains. I imagined my losses and sorrows as the leaves in the picture falling to the ground, the grass dying and the sky turning gray. But then I looked at the tree again. It was standing strong amidst everything it had lost and endured. Despite all these real hardships, Christ was always there for me, thus my love for Him and reliance on Him during this time grew more and more till the time when He was all the pleasure that I had left in this world. And praise the Lord, the joy He brings is not temporal but eternal. Thank you Lord for allowing all the temporal pleasures of the world to disappear this year so I could focus on You. As I looked back at the tree, it wasn't depressing at all but beautiful, just like me. In fact, it reminded me of some of the scenery from our first international date to Ireland many years ago. And I realized that I am not just good but great. Not because my cancer is in remission, (although that is awesome!) but mainly because the cross of cancer drew me close to the one that I love the most. That night when I used the bathroom, I looked at the cross that I had fallen to my knees in front of so many times with cancer pains. Now that the cancer pain is gone, I miss the times on my knees talking to Jesus. I locked the bathroom door and fell to my knees this time in praise and Thanksgiving. Nothing whatsoever but the love of Jesus could have made me face these difficulties and others which followed, for I had to purchase my happiness by heavy trials. (Thérèse de Lisieux) 🌻 by Jason WildeToday is World Missionary Sunday, but I'm not going to share stories about building grass huts in Africa, or hiking through the jungles of Ecuador, or avoiding the eyes of governments in “Asia”. Here, you won't read about how the poor only eat rice or beans for every meal and sleep under a leaky roof. I'm not even going to ask for money. In fact, you could say that I'm about to make the world's least effective mission appeal.
Today, I'm going to tell you to be a missionary. After you leave church, follow the words of Jesus: “Go into the whole world and proclaim the gospel to every creature” (Mk 16:15), Love God, Love your neighbor, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you...Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back” (Luke 6:27-30). “Don't be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul” (Mt 10:28), forgive, do not judge, do not be angry or envious, give what you have to the poor and follow Jesus (Mt 19:21). Take what you hear and pray about every Sunday, put it into action and live your life every day as a mission! For all the specific prayers or practices or rituals that you do every Sunday are meaningless if they do not implore you to share the love that Jesus gives you in response to those things. Faith is so much more than just a one-day commitment or a cross on your wall, and “Faith without works is dead” (James 2:14), and works that are done out of love, charity, and mercy are those that will bear witness to the Kingdom of Heaven. It is these things that will share the Gospel message, not debating, bragging, gossiping, or being envious or self-righteous. So, today I invite you to be a missionary and to live your life as a mission. Be patient with one another. Invite a stranger to have lunch with you. Be kind while driving. Think less about the financial cost of each decision in your life and more about the impact it has on one another, our planet, and your own soul. Spend less on yourself and give more to those in need. Refrain from using Facebook as a political battlefield and try to listen to another's point of view with an open heart. Go out of your way to meet a non-Christian, someone from a different church, or someone who is just different, and love them! Love them not by trying to correct or educate but by becoming friends and sharing your life with them. Dampen your pride and sharpen your humility by allowing yourself to suffer just a little. By living your life as a mission your are offering salvation to yourself and to those you meet along the way, because “Mission revitalizes faith” (Redemptoris Missio, 2). By Brecklyn WildeEver since we found out that Mama had cancer, we have had many challenges. We have also had many blessings, and Jesus has helped us see those things. At first, Jesus gave us our community, who prayed for us, and helped comfort us. Then it was the people we served who cried when we left, gave us donuts, and took care of us. They were so sweet, and we still miss them, but God has shown us the way to see through all of the ocean of trials. This reminds me of one of the verses in a song called “Oceans”. You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown, where feet may fail. And there I find you in the mystery in oceans deep, Picture this: you are Peter. Jesus tells you to go to the other side of the sea of Galilee, but he doesn’t tell you why. So you go across, but when you are in the middle of it, a storm comes up, the boat is rocking, and there is water all the way up to your ankles! You are so so scared, and then, on top of it all, you look up, and see a ghost, walking on top of the water! You are really scared now! Everyone is screaming around you, when the ghost calmly says, “Take courage, it is I. Do not be afraid.” Then you realise, and yell back, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water”. Then he says, “Come”, and you have no choice to do, but walk through the storm. You step out of the boat and hold onto the railing, expecting to fall, but you don’t! The water feels as if it is concrete! You start walking, but then you remember the wind, the waves and water, and you feel afraid, and then you start sinking! You cry out “Lord, save me!” and you feel someone reach out for your wrist and lift you out. It’s Jesus! When you are back in the boat, finally the wind dies down, and everything is calm. Then Jesus says “Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt me?” Then everyone in the boat around you starts saying “Truly you are the son of God”. Even though the ocean is sometimes windy and stormy, we can also look around, and see Jesus, walking on the scary, windy waves, helping us to keep on walking, and picking us up from the storm. He helps us to see where the end of our journey is, in heaven, where there are no storms, no wind, and no rain. Whenever you have a trial, always look to Jesus, and trust in him, and Jesus will give you blessings, even more blessings then you will ever have troubles. I have so many examples of blessings, but I can only tell you a couple. When we came back from Costa Rica, we thought that nobody would really care that we were back, but God knew what we needed, and when we came back, everyone greeted us, and when we went inside our house, we saw that they were taking care of us, by giving us things, like toys, and pictures, but most of all love. Even today, people are always coming to our door, to give us food, play with us, visit us, and best of all, love us and pray with us. Whenever you are scared, or something bad is happening, always ask Jesus for help, and he will send you blessings. God has taught us how to see his son through the storm, so whenever there is a trial, we can see Jesus through it. Right away Jesus made the disciples get into the boat. He had them go on ahead of Him to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matthew 14:22-33) We are praying for you.
God bless, Brecklyn Wilde By Jessica WildeWhen I look in the mirror, I do not recognize the face I see. Then I look again, this time a little more closely, and I see three different faces staring back at me: My own face, Anne and Maribel. The first face I see in the mirror is my own. It is the face of a cancer victim. It is the face of pain from a disease that is attempting to destroy the fiber of my being. It is the face of a cross that seems to be unbearable at times. It is the face that fears what the future may or may not hold. The second face I see in the mirror is bald like me, but because of oppression, she had no hope for a future. The second face is Anne Franke and the thousands of other woman, men and children who suffered the shame of having their heads shaved due to racism, and most faced death shortly afterwards. It is a face of tears as dreams and lives were cut short. And now, the lock of my own hair that sits next to my Mary statue reminds me of the mountains of hair from all the victims heaped up at the museum in Auschwitz...victims who were sheared like sheep before being slaughtered like animals. It is a face of horror and oppression. The third face is the face of Maribel. She too is suffering from cancer. But, she has hair; a sign that like Anne, she also has no hope for a future. She is the face of the poor and marginalized in our world. Just like Anne, she too is oppressed. She is in pain and is dying from a cancer without treatment because she was born in the wrong country or in the wrong social class. I've seen many faces like hers before--in a small adobe Mexican house, she writhes in pain from a cancerous tumor growing in her belly as the priest administers the Sacrament of the Sick, while in Costa Rica, she spends days in a crowded hospital waiting room. Even though health care is available to her, she is still sent home with pain medicine to die while the rich with the same diagnosis would be treated and live. So yes...the faces in the mirror haunt me. I can't help but look back at my own bald head and be sad for Anne and Maribel. Unlike them, I am not oppressed. I am receiving treatment and I freely choose to lose my hair to have a chance at a future. While cancer is a huge cross, it turns out that my baldness is a gift from God and a sign of hope. So please do not pity my baldness but instead help me to fight for and pray for the other faces that I remember when I look in the mirror...the faces of the poor, the marginalized, the victims of war and violence, often forgotten and oppressed.
Today, please join me in praying for all the other faces in the mirror besides my own that suffer and die from oppression. Dear Lord I pray for the souls that perished in Aushwitz and the many other concentration camps, prisons, and ghettos during wars of the past century. I pray for the poor who are oppressed and suffer and die due to neglect. Dear Lord please end hate and oppression. Please open our eyes to truly love and care for each other, regardless of race, religion, place of birth, or class. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to receive medical care. Thank you for the wonderful doctors and nurses who take care of me. Thank you Lord for taking my hair and giving me a future filled with hope. By Jessica WildeBut He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 The first symptom of my cancer was intense burning and frequency when I urinated. After ruling out a urinary tract infection, the oncologist in Costa Rica said it was likely because of a tumor in my small intestines that was pressing on my bladder. He reassured me that the pain would go away after chemo started and the tumor disappeared. But the pain was debilitating. It left me running to the bathroom at all hours of the day and night. It left me feeling tired, frustrated and at times in despair. Inspired by the Holy Spirit when we moved to the Big Woods, I hung a picture of a cross that Brecklyn drew in front of the toilet. I was drawn to the anguish and pain on Jesus's face. I was moved by the angels lovingly ministering to Jesus on the cross. I don't know when it happened, but again, likely with the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I began to fall to my knees in tears, prayers and petitions to Jesus every time I had pain after using the bathroom. After about a day, the despair and frustration left and I was filled with His spirit of perseverance. I continued to fall to my knees in tears everytime I used the bathroom but it was different. As I united this suffering to the cross, I understood that my pain had a purpose. Soon I found myself falling to the ground in prayer at any bathroom I found myself in, including the Big House, friends' houses and even at Chili's. Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the church (Col 1:24) It is Christ who gives me strength. It is Christ who will defeat cancer. He is all powerful. He will and can do more than all the medicine on the Earth combined. If I say, "I am strong" or "I can defeat this cancer", then I am only fighting with my own limited human strength. But if I am humble, weak and let Jesus be my strength, then I am fighting cancer with the power of our almighty Father. so that every form of suffering, given fresh life by the power of this Cross, should become no longer the weakness of man but the power of God. (Salvifici Doloris, 26 (Saint John Paul II)) Our God is a healer! The intense UTI-like pain that I've experienced since March has been gone for over a week now. I am no longer running to the bathroom. I no longer need Tylenol or Ibuprofen to get me through the day. And this pain miraculously went away before my chemo even started! Praise be to Jesus Christ! While humbly turning to God for His strength, I also desire to live a fearless life for the Lord. I desire to trust in the Lord with all my whole heart and soul. One of my friends had a vision of me walking through a swamp and right before my feet sunk into the ground, a stepping stone would appear. She said I was walking boldly without fear. I have seen God's footprints ten steps ahead of me paving my way. He has gifted me a home for treatment. He has gifted me with hope for my future as a missionary in Busita de Jesus. He has closed doors along my path and opened others. He has sent angels to minister to me. He has showered me with love and prayers from friends and family all over the world. If God is with me, what is there to be afraid of? Absolutely Nothing! This is easier said than done. My dear friend and community leader in Costa Rica gave me the idea of journaling. She advised me to list every fear or anxiety in my heart. Afterwards, she recommended prayerfully looking at each fear. If you personally can do something to fix the fear, then write out your plan beside the fear. If you know of someone that can help you with your fear, write their name beside it. Lastly if there is nothing you can do or no one to seek help from, give it to Jesus. Entrust him to take care of it for you. I have learned that this exercise works best in front of the blessed sacrament since Jesus is present in the Holy Eucharist and will help free me from my fears and anxiety. And yes, the fears may come back, but that is when I entrust my fears to Jesus again and again and again. It is in continually turning to Jesus that our Faith and trust in Him grows. Jesus I trust in you! Lastly, I am empowered to be filled with His joy. Joy is different than happiness. While happiness is superficial and lasts but a moment, joy is a choice to be happy in the face of trials and hardships. Joy is to encounter others with the happiness of Christ despite the cross we ourselves are carrying. We will have trials and hardships in life. This is not God's doing but the result of a fallen and broken world. What matters are not the trials or our pains but our response. Will we be defined by our trials or by the love of Christ? This past week, FMC's founder Mr. Frank Summers prayed over me. In his prayer he reminded me to focus on the Big C, Christ, and not the little c, cancer. So as I sit here waiting for my chemotherapy to begin, I am focused on Christ because He will see me through all the little c's in my life (cancer and chemotherapy). So here is my cancer treatment plan: I choose to be docile to the Holy Spirit. I choose to embrace my human weaknesses, fall to my knees in front of my Savior, and ask Jesus for His all powerful help. I choose to trust in His providence and love those I encounter along the way of my cross with the joy of Christ. A king is not saved by a great army, by Jason WildeOn more than one occasion, I have been asked how we heard God calling us to be missionaries, or to adopt Chi Yu. To be honest, I really didn’t have any good answers. I have never really been blessed enough to hear God whisper to me or have an angel stand in front of me in blinding light. Many times it is a series of events or feelings that come together over a period of time that point us in the right direction. That said, we also have to discern whether it really is the Holy Spirit working in us, or whether it is our own imagination taking over. So without further ado, here are a few of the discernment ‘litmus tests’ that I think have guided us over the past years and are continuing to guide us today. So Crazy...After we found out that Jessica needed to see an oncologist back in the States, we were frantically packing up everything we could for our move back from Costa Rica. It was a really difficult time emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I was really upset that we were leaving our home of five months, all of our friends and fellow missionaries, and our dreams of foreign missionary life, at least in the foreseeable future. I spent a lot of time in the Coopevega chapel, just trying to calm my emotions and regain a sense of peace. I remember distinctly an afternoon in the chapel in which I was really tired and found my mind wandering and daydreaming. And then, a crazy idea formed in my mind. I knew Jessica would need to be somewhat tethered to our mission base in Louisiana for the next 1-2 years due to doctors appointments, but I also wondered about how we could still serve as foreign missionaries. Our FMC posts in Mexico came to mind, and I dreamed about serving back in General Cepeda, where we spent three weeks of our training last year. But the 16+ hour journey that we’d have to make so many times troubled me. I thought maybe we could use some sort of RV with beds and facilities for us to rest during the trip. It felt so crazy, that it just might work. The next day was again hard for me. I found myself angry with my kids and anxious about packing. But this thought lingered and somewhat developed in my mind. It kind of made me hopeful and eased my negative thoughts. That evening, I decided to pass it by Jessica, just to humor myself and have a positive conversation. Surprisingly, she was completely at peace with the idea of serving in Mexico and traveling frequently back and forth, and we shared a little bit of consolation together at peace with a future hope. This has always been a good starting point for really big changes for us. We find ourselves talking about something really crazy, and yet we have peace at the thought of living with such a radical change. Jesus was radical; He constantly broke social norms, eating grain on the Sabbath, forgiving the sins of untouchable gentiles, and then curing illnesses just to prove a point. His family was poor and insignificant. He saved the life of a condemned prostitute who became a faithful disciple. He journeyed to Jerusalem at a time when everyone knew he was on the wanted list, raised a man from the dead to convert a few hundred more, and then entered the city in plain sight riding a donkey. He was friends and dined with with sinners, oppressive government officials, and non-believers, all the while chastising the religious leaders that sought to challenge Him. And this is how it should be when God really wants to get your attention. You should feel uncomfortable, radical, and all alone in your decision. God’s ways are not of this world and are usually unconventional and illogical by any human social norms. And yet, you are at peace with your crazy thoughts. Peace in the stormEvery time the Spirit places our minds in the right place at the right time and put a solution right into our laps, we felt a ‘click’, a sense of peace and understanding that usually cleared away the clouds of frustration and despair. I distinctly remember these moments when we decided to adopt and when we decided to become foreign missionaries. Similarly, when things got hectic on the trip back to the States, Jessica and I would occasionally look at each other and smile at our dream and hope for our future. But it also required that we endure the storm. Jesus calmed the waves when the boat began to rock, but He required absolute faith and trust in Him, and a bit of legwork - Peter had to leave all caution behind him and get out of the boat, all the while keeping his eyes ahead of him, fixed on Jesus. In a similar way, we can’t expect to live in a bubble, protected from any kind of turmoil and have the Spirit move us in a way that we can experience God's peace. The world’s peace can feel so much more enticing than God’s peace, and it makes it so much harder to discern which one we are feeling. Like Peter, we have to sometimes get out of our safety boat. Directed by the Spirit, Who opens and closes doorsSoon, we were researching options for a home on wheels, and it didn’t take long for our plans to change. Traditional RVs are either notoriously expensive or unreliable, and this wouldn’t do for months of usage by a family with four kids. The spaces just didn’t work either with our family. We began looking at other options and kept coming back to (once again) one of the craziest options - a custom RV built in a used school bus. Our mission also changed slightly as we began hearing more about the plight and oppression of migrant families in our country. General Cepeda gradually faded from our discussions, and we began to talk more about serving around Allende, Mexico, the FMC post nearest the Texas border, as well as the border communities on the U.S. side. Our custom RV began to become a focal point of our ministry, as we could use it as a mobile ministry, food pantry, and social gathering, similar to how we used the brick and mortar Casa de Jesus in Coopevega. We always imagined how it would work to take the ministries of Casa de Jesus on the road in Costa Rica, but it seems so relevant now in our new plans. Before we knew it, we had named our ministry - ‘Busita de Jesus’ (Little Bus of Jesus). The name became an instant hit within our family, and we could always just say ‘Busita’ and immediately regain our peace again. God does an amazing job of opening and closing doors for us when we are actively seeking his plans. Our human selves want to constantly fight the impossible, repeatedly throwing our weight against the solid locked door, but God wants us to find the narrow gate - a path less traveled and yet so much better for His glory. But just like in the boat, it means we must keep working and searching. We can’t just sit still and wait for Gabriel to descend and give us a manual for our life with numbered directions. It just won’t happen. We have to go - even if it’s in the wrong direction. Just go. God will redirect you and give you the appropriate gifts if needed as long as you keep your eyes on Him and away from your own pride and selfishness. For HIS gloryA month ago, if you told me that I would need to drive around Texas in a school bus to do God’s work, I’d say you were insane. I really don’t like to drive, and I never thought I’d be living back in Texas because...well...you have to drive so much. And I literally spent over a tenth of my time in elementary school on a yellow school bus - please don’t make me get in one of those! All of this just tells me that it clearly isn’t MY plan - it is so crazy and so anti-me that it had to come from God. But more importantly, it is a path that glorifies Him. It is a path that allows me to suffer and decrease so that He may triumph and increase. This should be the penultimate litmus test for discerning whether God is directing your life: Who is it lifting up? If it lifts up the other person, the neglected, the suffering, and gives glory to God for all of the work involved; if it lets me suffer and become more humbled as a servant to those around me, then there’s a good chance that I am on the right path. Continuing on our journeyAnd so, a month later, I find myself driving a 12-year old yellow school bus that I acquired from Florida to Big Woods, Louisiana. Our ministry is still changing, though less now that we have our bearings. We have floor plans and ideas for how this will all work, but I’m sure He will continue to nudge us along in His path for us. Jessica’s treatments will hopefully begin in the coming weeks, and it will be difficult for her and for our family. But this dream that we have still keeps us calm and gives a divine hope and peace amidst the storm. by Jason WildeIt was Sunday morning, and I was at the ‘Super’ buying the last few groceries for our nice family lunch - a chicken breast, some sweet peppers, an onion, and some bananas for a snack. I set my haul onto the end of the counter where the cashier was ringing up the man in front of me. In front of him was a six-pack of beer and a liter of liquor that he requested from the well-stocked shelf behind the cashier. “Cuatro mil ochocientos” (4800 colones), the cashier rambled out. The man handed a red 5 mil (5,000 colones) bill, got his change of two 100 colones coins, and then walked out to mount his waiting motorcycle at the curb. “Cuatro mil ochocientos sesenta” (4870 colones), the cashier states after weighing my produce and finishing the sale. Incredible, I thought, that the man just bought his day’s supply of alcohol for cheaper than a few ingredients for a single meal. This comparison is a pretty good preface for the rest of my Sunday. Walking back to our house, I could see Miguel* visiting with our neighbor missionaries. He tends to show up intoxicated on Sunday mornings, usually crying that he is failing God and asking for food. We usually offer coffee and a bowl of whatever food we may have in the refrigerator or crock pot. This morning, I sat with him for a while on our porch while he asked if God will forgive him, and he expressed a desire to play our ukulele (he loves to play Phil’s guitar). When it was time for our family’s lunch, I was asked if I could bring another family that we were visiting with back to their house. I agreed, but before I could leave, Miguel asked if he could get a ride too. I reluctantly agreed because I didn’t really know where he lived and I have a hard time understanding him when he is in such a state. When I returned from the first drop-off, another man who was visiting with the missionaries also asked for a ride home with Miguel. When we got to this man’s house, both he and Miguel jumped out of the van, and then I saw Miguel take a drink of the man’s homemade brew from a plastic bottle in his back pocket. Miguel jumped back in the car, and we drove to the other side of town (only a couple of minutes, really). When we got to Miguel’s house, he was noticeably more intoxicated than when we started. He refused to leave the van, crying that he wanted to visit his ‘rancho’, and that he was all alone at his house. After several minutes trying to convince him, his son and another man eventually were able to coax him out, crying. Feeling emotionally drained as I drove back to our house, I couldn’t help but notice the bar at that end of town already opening up for the day. We like to say that we live in a one-road town, marked at both ends by ‘bars’, referring to the two largest businesses in town that are no doubt doing well each weekend. Consumption of alcohol and alcoholism is a real chain around the people we serve. It offers a reprieve from the hard life that most men serve six days a week earning only about $15-20 a day in the best case. And as illustrated this morning at the ‘Super’, it is quite literally as affordable to live on alcohol as on food due to the high cost of groceries. We live in a town where an alcoholic or even casual drinker is constantly enticed and bombarded by their vice and there are very few barriers preventing them from partaking. So, they work all week, then stop by the bar or the ‘Super’ for some alcohol, and then drink away their earnings, leaving them with nothing left to help families or even buy food for the next week. In a way, there is a structure of sin that keeps many working men in constant alternative states of poverty and intoxication. Of course, this is hardly a problem only here in rural Costa Rica. Even in San Jose, the large tourist capital city, the same structures of sin are there, but they sometimes get drowned out by the glamour and wealthy and beautiful mountains. Or, a slightly more affluent life and the expectations that go behind such a life allow the same person to resist or fight the urge, either through formal programs such as AA or through social norms that require one to be sober to have friends, family, and a job. Even in the USA, the same structures exist, and in many cases it is considered glamorous to live such a life. Many movies in the past decades are set in a life of intoxication, and supporting such media would be supporting this structure of sin, as well as sins of omission by not urging for more restrictive policies against such a life. This is how structures of sin works - they are ignored until they become so ingrained in a society that they self-perpetuate and even cause sins in those who don’t partake in the sin first-hand (e.g. through sins of omission) to the point that people don’t even think sin is occurring. I suspect that most people wouldn’t even consider drinking in such a way as a sin because it doesn’t affect anyone. Until it does… That afternoon, we were shuttling the kids to Casa de Jesus so we could prepare for our afternoon ministries - sacramental preparation classes for adults and our children’s ministry. I noticed a Jeep slowing down on the road, and as I waved, the driver began explaining that the boy in the back of his car was beat by his father and abandoned. The men found the 9- or 10-year old boy on the road, and he was crying, visibly upset. He had a backpack full of what I would guess are his belongings and was reasonably well dressed in a collared shirt. Through some encouragement and a helpful neighbor, we were able to get the boy out of the car and then I went with another missionary to inform the local frontera police. Unfortunately we don’t think there are very formal laws regarding such situations in the frontera, and the police really don’t care to do much other than keep the peace unless they find an illegal immigrant doing something that warrants deportation. It would be completely possible that they just drove him back to his home and dropped him off with a warning to the family. Knowing very little about the boy’s situation, it is very hard to actually know what happened. But it would also be very reasonable to believe that the situation that occurred was not just an incident of anger, but instead involves some other social sin that keeps him from loving his son. Fighting these structures of sin that are so intertwined with social norms is difficult and usually results in persecution. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings provides a good allegory for the life of such evil. Sin loves to live in darkness, slowly festering and growing, while those who could defeat it deny its existence. This continues to the point that people don’t even recognize the sin as evil anymore, and will tell anyone who fights it that it is a useless battle. In most cases, it is hard to even identify such structures because ‘that isn’t really a problem here’, or ‘that’s not really a sin’, or ‘he just makes bad choices’. I’ve found that if any of these answers come to my mind, then it is more than likely sin concealing itself. One of our friends who is in most need financially recently confided in us that she had been taking birth control shots, and it was causing her to be sick. She didn’t know what to do because she felt that she was so poor that she would be sinning by trying to raise another baby when she couldn’t afford food for tomorrow. Here is another structure of sin that has caused the birth rates in Costa Rica to drop significantly since poverty aid organizations entered the country several decades ago providing free birth control as a way to fight poverty. But to argue this case with most of the world would incite dissention and persecution. Unfortunately, the same sentiment exists in the United States, and it has even manifested as a sin among Catholics. Most people know that Catholics believe abortion is a sin, but we haven’t really been very upfront with promoting programs which would address the same concerns as this friend. Most of the time, Catholics like to focus on things like ‘sexual promiscuity’, or ‘glamorizing’, or ‘free will to have sex’ as the reasons why people want to have birth control and abortions, but in reality, poverty and exclusion are major factors. We live in a society that is anti-family and anti-poor, and so most women don’t see how bringing up a child in such a situation is just. Focusing on the individual sins of doctors or prospective mothers is almost hypocritical when at the same time, we tell the mother that she is not guaranteed paid maternity leave, and that she must either choose not to work (in which case we don’t want to pay welfare or medical care, i.e. meritocracy), or she must put her baby in a daycare that costs more than she makes per hour at her minimum wage job. We claim to be pro-life and pro-family but at the same time, we won’t go out of our way to help a parent with ‘an unruly child’ and instead isolate them in the little glass room at the back of church. And as an ultimate sin of omission, we fail to speak up whenever families are forcibly separated by world powers. So what can we do to fight structures of sin? First of all, we do not judge the sinner for what they do, lest we be judged (Mat 7:1), we must offer no resistance to one who is evil (Mat 5:39), and we must be a light shining before others (Mat 5:16). In fact, we must ‘lean in’ to persecution, offering the other cheek. What this may mean in many cases is to go out of our comfort zone, become uncomfortable, meet the sinner, encounter trials and risk, and ultimately, live in solidarity with those affected by these structures. Living in solidarity is the “responsibility of everyone to everyone” (Pope Benedict); it helps us to find out the real depth of such problems, and therefore helps us to keep from judging the sinner and instead begin to solve the problem by changing the culture. In other cases, it may mean that we need to sacrifice our own treasure to put our heart in the place of the blessed poor. Using meritocracy, for example, as an excuse to not support the unemployed is just another way these structures of sin entangle the rich along with poor. Instead, we must offer to pay more for goods that are produced by people who have no other means of employment, and pay a fair wage that is based on the cost of living. We must relax our grip on our own riches when it comes to providing infrastructure or safety nets, and when we have to take care of our own planet. That evening, I noticed a fog hovering around my back door. But this wasn’t a cool wet fog from the humid air. No, it was a cloud of gnats hovering over our heaping pile of trash by the back door; one that was in danger of attracting much bigger insects and animals as well. I looked out at the 55 gallon drum in our backyard that was to be used to burn trash. I can’t stand the smell of burning plastic, and yet it seems to constantly hang in the air around our town because there is no trash pickup for over an hour’s drive, and the nearest recycling center that we can find is nearly two hours away. It’s not that people don’t know the fumes from burning trash are harmful, it’s that there is no feasible alternative. It’s a structure of sin that exists in most of the poorest and most remote areas of the world and is ignored by many who have the resources to battle it. I am going to do something about it. Instead of judging people or telling them what they are doing is wrong, I am going to do something better. I don’t even have a fully-developed plan yet, but I know I am going to try to do something about this sin. My first step began almost two months ago when we started to focus our family’s roadside trash pickup on plastics with the intent of bringing them to a recycling center. Last week was our first drop off in San Jose. At the same time, we are trying to figure out how to compost in an area where wild dogs roam the neighborhoods and insects that look like they came from Jurassic Park beg to invade your home. Maybe sometime in the future our witness may spread as a way to generate better soil in an area where dense red clay makes many fruits sour and tasteless. Maybe we’ll work with a local farmer to create a landfill or have a regular recycling pick-up service. I don’t know, but it’s all I can do to fight sin, and I’m sure I’ll reap the rewards of persecution and/or rejection. People will say that this isn’t the ‘most important’ thing to do, or that it is useless, or that it will cost too much. We should all take the same attitude when it comes to abortion, alcoholism, poverty, drugs, atheism, gangs, etc., all of which are intertwined in a nasty web of social sins. *Names obscured When we announced our new mission post back in November, we described how the Holy Spirit is known as the wild goose in Ireland. It is only through the Spirit of God that one chooses to ignore the other gods of this world and do things that the world will say are crazy and dangerous. Like Saint Paul writes, “When people are saying, “Peace and security,” then sudden disaster comes upon them...and they will not escape.” And so in this light, we have an announcement: We moved! Ok, it’s not so crazy - we only moved 1 km down the road, closer to the ‘center’ of Coopevega. But it is still a pretty big deal for us. When our mission team found out we were joining them in Costa Rica, the Brupbacher family lovingly reserved a home for us. And both families blessed us by fully furnishing our house. It was so nice to arrive on the mission field to a house with curtains, pots, pan, a stove, beds, bedding, etc But then there was the house... As little girl, I dreamed of a log cabin in the mountains of Colorado. While this isn't Colorado, our original home here is still my dream house. It has three bedrooms, hot showers, clean reliable well water, and wood paneling, which reminds me of a log cabin. Our backyard was literally a rainforest oasis with toucans, parrots, monkeys, and fruit trees. And all this for less than 130 colones or approximately $230/month to rent. So why did we move??? The answer is simple...God! I've come to realize that most of the crazy 'Why' questions in my life can be answered with this one little word. God's ways often seem a little nutty in the eyes of the world. One of the charisms of Family Missions Company is Gospel Poverty. This means that we are called to live a simple life so we can give our excess resources to the poor. This means living in solidarity with the poor. Authentic Christians are not afraid of opening up to others, of sharing their living spaces and transforming them into places of solidarity. (Pope Francis) For the first month, we were in awe with the beauty of our home. But slowly God opened our eyes. Our neighbors were wealthy. They were land owners or work for the school. Our community was semi-gated. To get to the poor required us leaving our little community. When the poor would visit, we'd hear comments like "casa grande". While we were living simply, our house was not simple by local standards. Another factor is that this little community was a kilometer (0.6 miles for non-metric gentes) away from the center of town on a farm. For us to serve the poor, get groceries or visit Jesus at church, was a long walk in the heat or rain. We quickly realized if it was this hard for us to get groceries, how much harder was it for the poor to reach us. It is our call to live with and serve the poorest of the poor and this meant moving! So after a long month of text messaging with the landlord of Casa de Jesus, we officially moved into the apartment adjacent to it. Now it is our chance to choose Gospel Poverty to choose to live truly in solidarity with the poor. This means sleeping under mosquito nets, using a public water system that fails daily, having dust from the dirt road cover everything, listening to loud music from the American boutique across the street, and taking lots of cold showers. So is it worth it? To know and serve Jesus in the poor is always worth the cost. Luke does not speak of poverty “of spirit” but simply of those who are “poor” (cf. Lk 6:20). In this way, he too invites us to live a plain and austere life. He calls us to share in the life of those most in need, the life lived by the Apostles, and ultimately to configure ourselves to Jesus who, though rich, “made himself poor” (2 Cor 8:9). (Gaudate et exultate) Christian holiness is nothing other than charity lived to the full. (Pope Benedict, 13 Apr 2011) I remember going to the store to buy our first diarios, a name given to the bags of food we give out regularly to people who struggle with a bare pantry and no more credit at the store. The idea is that we should always be able to provide a week’s supply of bare necessities in addition to prayers and an open heart to talk to. Before we left, Penny, our community leader, gave us a list of the items they typically buy for each diario. Most of the items made sense - rice, beans, oil, and coffee (because for a Costa Rican to be without coffee is as bad as dying of thirst!). But then, I noticed salt at the bottom of the list. Penny then said something that I’ll never forget: “Have you ever made beans without salt?” That really put things into perspective for us. I mean, why would we withhold something that we’d never go without from a person who is already humble enough to beg for food? In fact, when we give a diario, giving salt is the only real charitable action we do! Everything else in that bag is simply providing social justice - allowing a family to eat beans and rice for a week is a basic human need that they are deprived of, and not providing basic necessities such as these would be stealing from them and is a sin (see Mat 25:28). It is only after all basic human needs are taken care of that we can say that we are giving freely and charitably to our neighbor. The demands of justice must be satisfied first of all; that which is already due in justice is not to be offered as a gift of charity. (Apostolicam actuositatem, 8 S 5) Our mission partner Lacy later explained that many times they will hide something in the bag that they feel the person might like or enjoy, such as a shirt or in the case of one family, a hairbow that the family’s little girl would wear proudly for the next several weeks while walking around. This is truly being the “salt of the earth” (Mat 5:13)! Salt is a flavor that is used to enhance all other flavors and not be tasted on its own. We are to always act in humility and meekness for the bringing up of our neighbor, even when providing alms to those in need, otherwise it is just seeking our own good and therefore is also not charity. Take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may not see them...so that your almsgiving may be secret. (Mat 6:1,4) Now, a lot of our food uses a lot more salt because we like much stronger flavors than in most cultures. In many American restaurants, I find that salt becomes its own flavor, attempting to compete with everything else. How this is an analogy for the manner in which we tend to be Christians! If I do something good, I want it to make an impact, to be the biggest deed possible and, most importantly, to be known by all of my friends, family, strangers, and the entire internet. I want to be my own important flavor. But this isn't humility, and even worse, it glorifies me, not God. When Jesus calls his followers the salt of the earth, in the same breath he calls us the light of the world, a city set on a mountain that cannot be hidden (Mat 5:14). I think we struggle with these two statements which can seem to contradict one another. We used to say that we’d only tell people about a small number of our good works, in the manner that you can only see the top point of an iceberg. But this still doesn’t seem to be what Jesus meant when he said “do not let your left hand know what your right is doing” when you give alms. Then we met Team Phillippines on our first mission adventure, who seemed to overflow with joy, peace, and mercy. We couldn’t figure out why they had so much that it poured into everyone they met. It was really hard to miss these crazy missionaries! And then we started helping and giving of our own gifts...we also felt so joyful and at peace as well! That’s because “the fruits of charity are joy, peace, and mercy” (CCC 1829), and these fruits are so hard to hide they are “like a light on a lampstand” (Mat 5:15), shining into the darkness. This is how it is with charity - if you live a charitable life to all that you meet daily, your charitable works aren’t being put on a lampstand, but the fruits of those works are so unmistakeably attractive that you can’t hide them. “The necessary result of the love of charity is joy; since every lover rejoices at being united to the beloved… the effect of charity is joy. (St. Thomas Aquinas) |
On a MissionTwo passionate parents and their four children are excited to bring His Word to everyone in need while living a life of Gospel poverty as missionaries. They invite you to join them on a journey to encounter our global neighbors that Jesus commands us to love through works of charity and service. Archives
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